Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
