I will die if light touches me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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