once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
