Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
