The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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