apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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