Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
