Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
