ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
