I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
