I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
