Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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