I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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