Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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