Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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