At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
