I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
