Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need water and some morals
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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