i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
