saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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