is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize