Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
