So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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