Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
