guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
