Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize