he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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