I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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