Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
