i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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