I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
