your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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