WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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