Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.