Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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