booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
