Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
