you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
