Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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