Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
