You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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