he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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