what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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