Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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