I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
