Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dick very happy bro
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
