you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
