So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
