Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
