I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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