she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
