dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
