dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
