She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
