is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Boobs speak an international language.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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