I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
