Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
