I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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