Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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