Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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