i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
