you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
