I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
