I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And then he peed in my hair
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