i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
