hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
