I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
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shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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