roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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